


Caterpillars and Deers

by plaese



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cheating, Flustered Kim Jongin | Kai, Forgiveful Kim Jongin | Kai, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Cheating, KaiSoo - Freeform, Kim Jongbros, Kim Jongin | Kai-centric, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Multi, Older brother Kim Jongdae | Chen, Past ChanKai, Shorts, Slow Burn, kaihan, live in newyork probably whoopss, more tags will be added soon, what the hell do i tag this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 22:36:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12094923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plaese/pseuds/plaese
Summary: Caterpillars.What?Caterpillars, I repeat, and stare at him with wide eyes, Your eyebrows.The boy with caterpillar-like eyebrows hum and only nods. Then, says, Oh, thanks.I say you're welcome.He says his name is Kyungsoo. I tell him my name is Jongin, and he smiles.Next to me sat a boy, who, by the looks of it, was occasionally looking at me when I wasn't paying attention.I noticed immediately.He was obvious.From the way he would turn his head the complete opposite way when I looked or look down, it was just obvious.So I smiled.I can tell you're looking at me, I say with a hint of playfulness in my voice, and he finally looks me in the eyes.His eyes are wide. His eyebrows are raised. He looks like a deer caught in headlights, and I laugh at the expression. He's a cute deer.He'll be deer-boy(some vignettes i guess you could call them? of Kim Jongin's life)





	1. Caterpillar Boy

   Jongin, mother would yell, go get some newspapers.  
   But I just got them this morning, I would call back. But it didn't matter, because she said, No, you got them yesterday morning, and I would listen to her.  
   Jongin, mother would yell, go to Mr. Peters' store, he has the best ones, and tell him I said hi.  
   I never liked Mr. Peters. Not because of his race or looks but because of his attitude. It was always cold and harsh like a snow storm. When I'd comment on it, he would raise his eyebrows, and his forehead would look like a crumpled piece of paper, and I would laugh. I would laugh, and I would call him paper-head, resulting in mother hitting my head and telling me to go back home for being rude.  
   But I wasn't rude, I was just honest, I told her, but she only shook her head and said, Go or else you are grounded, and I obeyed.  
   Cold.  
   That was the feeling I first felt when I stepped outside. When I adjusted my scarf and stuffed my hands in my pocket.  
   Cold, just like the snow storm coming tomorrow.  
   Cold, just like Mr. Peters.  
   When I walked into the the convenience store, I wasn't as cold anymore. I adjusted my scarf so it didn't block my nose down and walked through an aisle. Face wash, masks, soap, shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream, lotion, and lastly, newspaper. I took one, her favorite I remember her telling me.  
   The New York Times, Jongin, is my favorite, don't forget it, she once said.  
   I looked at the cover and sighed to myself. I'd have to face Mr. Paperhead, who is as cold as ice, and as harsh as a snow storm.  
   I slide the coins on the counter to the man who looks down at me. He gives me a look, an eyebrow is raised, and his forehead becomes paper. I hide my smile.  
   I take the newspaper back, rolling it up so it's easier to hold, and fix my scarf back over my nose. I walk out and turn to the right, where I accidentally bump into someone shorter than me.  
   Oh, sorry, I say quickly. I wasn't watching where I was going.  
   No, no, it's fine, the boy shakes his head and furrows his thick eyebrows with a slight smirk. It's my fault.  
   Caterpillars.  
   What?  
   Caterpillars, I repeat, and stare at him with wide eyes, Your eyebrows.  
The boy with caterpillar-like eyebrows hum and only nods. Then, says, Oh, thanks.  
   I say you're welcome.  
   He says his name is Kyungsoo. I tell him my name is Jongin, and he smiles. His smile is a lot like mine, bright and wide, but not the same smile. His is more shy and quiet, mine is more loud and social.  
   Actually, I recognize you, I say, and Kyungsoo thinks for a moment.  
   Oh, the complex a block away right? He asks.  
   Yeah, I nod, Don't you live with your mother? He asks and again, I nod.  
   Oh, well, cool, maybe we could be friends? He asks, and his eyes are wide and hopeful and his smile seems to stay bright and wide yet still shy, and I smile at that alone under my scarf.  
   Yeah.  
   Friends,  
   That sounds nice.  
   Friends with caterpillar boy.  
   Caterpillar boy said goodbye, waved to me and walked into the store with Mr. Paperman, and I stood there.  
   The way he walked, I noticed, he wobbles a bit. Does his leg hurt? Is he limping? I remember the time I was in ballet, spinning and spinning until I felt pain in my ankle, and when I fell and my face met the ground the teacher was right there panicking.  
   Don't cry, it's okay, you'll be okay, she reassured, and for a moment I thought she was my mother.  
   And I tried to walk an hour after that, and I wobbled.  
   Then, I remembered, penguins wobble a little. He was like a penguin! Short, just like a penguin. Wobbly, just like a penguin.  
   I can't believe I made friends with a caterpillar eyebrow-ed penguin.


	2. What Did I Do?

   What did I do?  
   Did I not show him enough love?  
   Did I not give him my full attention?  
   What did I do?  
   I often wonder this on lonely nights like these, curled up in my bed while I have both earbuds playing low music in my ears. It would be the music we would listen to on nights like these.   
   Where we were happy, where we were free.   
   Where we would sit on the park swings and talk and laugh about how our day was at school and gossip.   
   Where we were together.   
   Kyungsoo is the first name I think of when I reach for my phone.   
   Not my mom, not the other boy who I recently became friends with at the store, no, Kyungsoo.   
   He was the reason for my sadness, I recently found out.   
   Then again, though, it isn't really his fault.   
   It's his, Chanyeol's.   
   We were the power couple of the school, walked the halls together to take each other to class. Studied together in the library to make sure we both never failed a test in order for us to graduate with amazing grades. We were even each other's first kiss, on the swings that night, cold breeze flowing through each of our hair as we lightly pressed our lips against each others.   
   But, that quickly ended when a video was posted and shared around school. Eventually the video was sent to me.   
It was him, tall body and all, sitting on a chair, fingers linked with a smaller boy's as they made out inside an empty room.   
   That night, when Chanyeol went to the park's swings, I wasn't there. I wasn't there on the swing next to him, smiling and holding his hand, because his hand had become infected to me.   
   His lips had become toxic to me, and so had his entire body.   
   But it was like a magnet almost, pulling me in and no matter how hard I tried I still found myself falling for him.   
   So I broke up with him the next day, and still forgave him.   
   What's wrong? Are you crying, I hear a deep voice ask on the other side of the phone, and I whimper out a small yes, nodding my head while tears fall down my face like a waterfall, because that voice saved me.


	3. Deer-Boy

   The first time we met, we were sitting next to each other at a diner. It wasn't really anything special to just anyone, just a small and very underrated diner in between a clothing store and another one.  
   My mother, older brother and I would always go there on Sundays, and the employees would always recognize us and tell us we don't have to order, they'd know what we want.  
   Sometimes, sadly, they offered to keep it on the house. My mother would often struggle with money to support the three of us and they'd be kind enough to understand and help.  
   On that day, I decided it would be a nostalgic day. I had half my day planned out.  
   Go to the diner across the street, go to the park a few blocks down, go to the café across the street from it, and the rest I would decide while I was there.  
   It's New York after all, you could do so many things there.  
   I entered, the employees that have been working there since I was younger greeted me with warm smiles, and I returned the gesture.  
   I sat down at the stools and sighed, taking my scarf off and placing it on my lap.  
   Next to me sat a boy, who, by the looks of it, was occasionally looking at me when I wasn't paying attention.  
   I noticed immediately.  
   He was obvious.  
   From the way he would turn his head the complete opposite way when I looked or look down, it was just obvious.  
   So I smiled.  
   I can tell you're looking at me, I say with a hint of playfulness in my voice, and he finally looks me in the eyes.  
   His eyes are wide. His eyebrows are raised. He looks like a deer caught in headlights, and I laugh at the expression. He's a cute deer.  
   He'll be deer-boy.  
I'm sorry, he mumbles, and looks at the counter.  
   No, it's fine, I shake my head, then ask, Are you here alone?  
   Yeah, a friend of mine told me I should come here since the coffee's really good and stuff, the deer boy shrugged.  
   Oh, did you try any yet? Your friend is right, I ask and he shook his head.  
   He just came, he told me, and that he woke up late so he wanted some breakfast too. I helped him order from the menu since he said it was all too good-looking, which made me smile.  
   I ordered him the same thing as I, and when he saw the food come he nearly choked on his coffee at the realization.  
   No no! You can't pay, I should, Deer-boy sputtered, and I shook my head and felt the temperature rise.  
   Was it just me or the room?  
   It's fine, it's your first time here, you should enjoy it without worrying, I say and Deer-boy pouts a bit before stabbing his fork into his pancakes.  
   I'm taking you out next Tuesday and i'm paying, he says, and I look at him with wide eyes and he continues, Give me your phone, i'll put my number in.  
   I gave him my number, and we talked and I learned his name wasn't Deer-boy but it was Luhan.  
   A cute name for a cute Deer-boy.  
   When I get home, i'm quick to call Kyungsoo.  
   I met a cute guy and he's taking me out Tuesday how the hell does this just happen? I ask  
   Really? His voice is almost close to a whisper, and he clears his throat, Wow, uh, nice, he says, and I feel like there was disappointment in his voice.


	4. The Day Me and My Brother Lost

   That day was probably the worst for my brother.  
   Since he's older, he was obviously closer to my father.  
   We were out in the backyard of our old house, and he was teaching me how to play soccer since I was joining the team for school.  
   Pass me the ball, he yelled from across the yard and squatted down a bit for comedic effect.  
   I giggled and nodded, looking down at the ball.  
   Side of your foot!, he called out, and I nodded again.  
   I angled myself and kicked the ball as hard as my little legs would allow me, and was happy once the ball rolled over to my brothers foot. He put his foot on top of it to stop it and grinned.  
   He picked up the ball and walked over to me, ruffling my hair, Good job! You're getting better!, he cheered, and patted my back.  
   Just for that…, his voice trailed off, and his face twisted into a wicked, playful smirk and he bent down and started to tickle me, me falling over immediately, dying of laughter.  
   Jongdae! Dae! Stop- stop that- stop!, I laughed.  
   Tears ran down my cheeks from laughing so much, but we didn't know it wouldn't be the only tears falling down my face that day.  
   Because a moment later, a loud crash was heard from across the street, and it got both of our attention.  
   We ran out the yard and over to the scene.  
   In front of the house was our father's car, absolutely destroyed from being smashed into by another.  
   Jongdae immediately covered my eyes and cleared his throat.  
   Go… go get mommy, he said, his voice was shaky and I felt his hands shake over my eyes, Tell her to come outside…  
   I didn't understand what was going on, I was too young to. But I turned to the house, covering the scene from the corner of my eyes and ran into my house, waking my mother up and telling her something happened. She ran outside, and when she ran outside she screamed more than she did when she watched scary movies.  
   Jongdae was on the phone, he was crying, hard, but he was trying to hide it. Why was he trying to hide it?  
   Was he scared of something happening if someone saw him cry?  
   Was he scared of me seeinf him cry?  
   Two days later, at his funeral, I sat on Jongdae's lap and he rubbed my back and let me cry into his shoulder, because now I don't have a father. I won't be like the kids in my class who talk about their dads getting them something for their birthday. I won't be like the kids in my class who are making something for their dad for father's day.  
   But, I smile at the thought, I have Jongdae.  
   He was like my father, and still can be in a way.  
   He was strong. He was strong for me. Helping me with math afterschool. Helping me with soccer and even helped me stretch and get ready for ballet.  
He was strong for my mother. He would let her cry on his shoulder. He would help her cook. He would look after me and would pick me up from school when my mother couldn't.  
   When he cried, I would hug him, tight, like if I let go I would die.  
   Because he was strong for me, so I have to be strong for him.


	5. Forgetful

   I was wondering…  
   What is it? I asked.   
   Luhan sighed and looked a little nervous. He straddled himself on my lap, and cupped my face in his hands.   
   Jongin, I really, really like you, and God i've wanted to kiss you for the longest, he breathed out, eyes switching from my eyes to my lips.   
   I was shocked, I didn't expect for him to like me too.   
   I squirmed a little in my seat and he smiled. He took my wrists and placed my hands on his waist and then pressed his forehead to mine.   
   If you don't return the feelings then… that's fine, he cleared his throat.   
   No no- I mean yes, yes I do, I-   
   My stuttering was cut off by soft lips being pressed against mine. The kiss was sweet, like a bite into your favorite milk chocolate bar.   
   Soon, the kiss got heated and more passionate, and my hands went from his waist to his ass, pulling him closer and closer because we just weren't close enough.   
   I heard my door shut, and I quickly pulled back from Luhan to see Kyungsoo, standing there, an mixture of shock with sadness and disappointment all over his face.   
   Uh… sorry, I must be interrupting something, Kyungsoo says, and he doesn't make eye contact with me but instead awkwardly looks at the floor.   
   Oh, uh, not really, i'm sorry, I say, and Luhan slides off my lap and apologizes.   
   Kyungsoo shakes his head and leaves, and I want to reach out and over to him and say sorry for forgetting our plans, but I can't, because it's too late, and he's already crying.


	6. Galaxy Eyes

 

   His eyes remind me of a galaxy.   
   Dark, full of stars, and something you could easily get lost into.   
   But I don't like him, and he likes me, and the way his galaxy eyes look at me with such hope gives me pain.   
   I do like him, I think to myself, because how else could I be getting lost staring in those eyes, staring at his lips whenever he spoke.   
   I sighed a shaky sigh. I did that a lot these days.   
   Jongin?, he asks, and I get out of my daydream.   
   Say that again, I was thinking, I say and he nods.   
   Are you dating that guy?, he asks, and there it is again, those hopeful, galaxy eyes.   
   I think about it, the weight on my shoulders growing and growing like I have bags of weight on it.   
   I think about it, feeling like a small fish getting dragged deeper into the ocean by a shark.   
   And I think about it some more, the cute Chinese boy I met in my favorite diner, looking behind himself at me, a wide smile on his face.   
   And I think about it some more, that same boy straddling himself on my lap, his hands guiding mine to his hips, and he places his soft lips on mine.   
   I purse my lips, and look at the boy with galaxy eyes.   
   No, I say, because we're not dating, it was just a kiss, and he nods, and I feel guilty.


	7. Rooftop Confessions

  
   It was at sunset, when he confessed.   
   Up on the roof of the apartments.   
   When the sky was a mixture of orange, pink, and purple and blue.   
   When the sun was going to the other side of the world, and the moon was waking up to greet ours.   
   When the air got cooler and the breeze would make us shiver.   
   When I was stuck in the middle.   
   Kyungsoo, or Luhan?  
   Both, by now, were really good friends of mine, and I liked both a lot and just couldn't choose.   
   Jongin, he said, and the breeze made his hair flow a little.   
   I looked at him with wide eyes, and asked, Yes?  
   He walked over to me, the same adorable wobble in it, and sat down next to me.   
   You know I like you, he huffed out and looked away, Don't you?  
   And there it was, the guilt feeling I've been having in my stomach whenever i'm around him. It was always around him, the feeling, and never around Luhan. How come that was?  
   Yet I nodded with fake confidence, and looked at him with little confidence.   
'Soo, I said, and glanced at his eyes, I like you too, I really do but… I just don't know.   
   Do you like him more? Luhan?, he asked, and I was quick to shake my head.   
   No no no!, I say, That's why I don't know, 'Soo, I can't choose between you and him.   
   With an angry look in his galaxy eyes, and his caterpillar eyebrows furrowed, he wobbled off the roof top like a penguin, and I sit here feeling like a viscous bear.


	8. My Older Brother and his Other Younger Brother

 

   My brother has a best friend that’s younger than him.   
   His name is Sehun, and he would always come over the apartment after school whenever his mother would be at her job. Sehun told us that she was a nurse one day, and the next day she was a doctor, and the day after that a vet. Did she have three jobs?  
   Jongdae would walk with us to the park not too far from the apartment, around Mr. Peters’ store, and as soon as we’d see there wasn’t anyone at the basketball court our feet would jump up and drag us to it.   
   Sehun was a little shorter than Jondae at the time, but at the end of the year he shot up and was taller.   
   Sehun, who’s skin was as pale as snow, grew up in a house unlike us, with both his parents speaking only Korean. He had an older brother who was in his last year of middle school unlike Jongdae and him, who were in their first. He would teach us some curse words for fun, because he told us his older brother would teach him in private, and he wanted to remember. We’d never say the words, of course, but it’d be easier to understand when either of our parents were annoyed  
   Sehun, who’s snow skin would soon turn a little darker after the summer yet would still look pale compared to me, who’s skin is as dark as coffee.   
   One day, Jongdae and Sehun came home from school each with a frown.   
   Hey boys, what’s wrong?, my mom asks, and I stand there looking up at them with curious, wide eyes.   
   They were silent, holding hands, and Sehun was biting his lip, hard, I know because his lips were redder than usual.   
   I’ll tell her, I guess, Jongdae says, and Sehun pouts.   
   No, I’ll say it, he says, and he says it.   
   My parents are moving to back to Korea for a few years because of some problems, I could stay with my brother but that means I have to move out of the state, he starts tearing up and I frown, because Sehun never cried.   
   He was never sad, he was mostly annoyed or happy, but never sad.   
   Stay here!, I yell, and not just for Jongdae, but for both me and my mother. He would always help out, along with my brother, and we grew to love him and my mom grew to become close friends with his mother.   
   What?, he asks, and I say it again.   
   Mother gives me a soft smile, and she pets my hair.   
   Nini, baby, he can’t just stay here, We’d have to talk to his parents about it, she looks over at Jongdae, who’s still holding Sehun’s hand, and sighs.   
   I’ll let you sleep in my room! I’ll talk to your parents!, I say, and Sehun’s thick eyebrows become raised, and suddenly there’s some hope in his eyes.   
   But it quickly goes away.  
   Your mom’s right, Nini, We’d have to talk to my parents, and they have to make a decision quick, he smiles, and my frown gets deeper and my eyebrows lower but I don’t say anything.   
   Instead, I turn to my mother, take a look at her, and run to my room crying.   
   No one died, no one was dying, yet I felt like he would end up leaving forever. Jongdae would never be able to talk to him ever again, my mother would lose another friend, and I wouldn’t have anyone else to play basketball with that wasn’t my brother.   
   I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned to the owner.   
   What?, I ask, and I see Jongdae smiling at me.   
   You fell asleep crying, he says, and I look around my room. Rather, i’m in Jongdae’s room now, tucked under his covers. And he must’ve saw how confused I was because he says, Sehun’s staying here now, and my eyes widen.   
   Thank you, he says after a few moments of silence and ruffles my hair the way my dad would have, For helping me keep my best friend here.

**Author's Note:**

> i read the house on mango street for summer reading and we're reading some for class so i was kinda inspired.. enjoy?
> 
> also i love both kaihan and kaisoo so don't attack me lmao


End file.
